Murray and Gladys Dear Martian Colony Committee--
Why do we want to go to Mars? I’ll tell you why we want to go to Mars. We've done all there is to do on this planet, and we’re tired of Boca Raton. Retirement in Florida isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And I’ll tell you, our neighbor, Edna, she won't ever leave us alone. She's always asking us for advice, and sugar. She doesn't need to eat sugar. Have you seen her? If you have, you’d know. And I'm tired of hearing her brag about that damn Caribbean cruise her son sent her on. I’ll get the one up on that woman if it's the last thing I do. And you know what? I think she's got her eye on my Murray. He always thinks someone’s got her eye on him. And it’s true, because there’s a lot of him to see. He’s one big hunk of manhood. I know that better than anyone. That’s where the low gravity would come in handy. It would be nice not to get crushed by him. Oh, and another thing - Mars is far away, so there’s no traffic.
Next is the humor. I have such a good sense of humor. And we have to keep the crew laughing, don’t we? It's a long trip to Mars. It's what – eight, nine months? It’ll be even longer if nobody's laughing. But don’t get Murray started on the impersonations. He thinks he’s so good with the impersonations. My God, if I have to spend the rest of my life on Mars with his damn Sean Connery impersonations – he sounds nothing like Sean Connery. He sounds like he has a cold. I just want to give him a Sudafed when he goes on with the Sean Connery. You leave the laughter to me. I'll bring the Mad Libs. It always does the trick. It worked on the kids. Who gets tired of Mad Libs? Nobody, that’s who!
And lastly, why should we go to Mars? Out of the six people, we're the two that really need to go. We're the life of every party, and nobody can beat my matzo ball soup. And of course, there was the year I made all the kids' costumes. I'm a great seamstress. We'll have one hell of a Halloween! We'll all dress like earthlings, like that Sandra Bullock lady in that movie. She's a cutie that Sandra Bullock. It was Gravity! Why did they call it Gravity? There was no gravity there. They should have called it Floating.
So please, send us to Mars! Because what else are you going to do with us?
Sincerely,
Gladys Schackerdue
Why do we want to go to Mars? I’ll tell you why we want to go to Mars. We've done all there is to do on this planet, and we’re tired of Boca Raton. Retirement in Florida isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And I’ll tell you, our neighbor, Edna, she won't ever leave us alone. She's always asking us for advice, and sugar. She doesn't need to eat sugar. Have you seen her? If you have, you’d know. And I'm tired of hearing her brag about that damn Caribbean cruise her son sent her on. I’ll get the one up on that woman if it's the last thing I do. And you know what? I think she's got her eye on my Murray. He always thinks someone’s got her eye on him. And it’s true, because there’s a lot of him to see. He’s one big hunk of manhood. I know that better than anyone. That’s where the low gravity would come in handy. It would be nice not to get crushed by him. Oh, and another thing - Mars is far away, so there’s no traffic.
Next is the humor. I have such a good sense of humor. And we have to keep the crew laughing, don’t we? It's a long trip to Mars. It's what – eight, nine months? It’ll be even longer if nobody's laughing. But don’t get Murray started on the impersonations. He thinks he’s so good with the impersonations. My God, if I have to spend the rest of my life on Mars with his damn Sean Connery impersonations – he sounds nothing like Sean Connery. He sounds like he has a cold. I just want to give him a Sudafed when he goes on with the Sean Connery. You leave the laughter to me. I'll bring the Mad Libs. It always does the trick. It worked on the kids. Who gets tired of Mad Libs? Nobody, that’s who!
And lastly, why should we go to Mars? Out of the six people, we're the two that really need to go. We're the life of every party, and nobody can beat my matzo ball soup. And of course, there was the year I made all the kids' costumes. I'm a great seamstress. We'll have one hell of a Halloween! We'll all dress like earthlings, like that Sandra Bullock lady in that movie. She's a cutie that Sandra Bullock. It was Gravity! Why did they call it Gravity? There was no gravity there. They should have called it Floating.
So please, send us to Mars! Because what else are you going to do with us?
Sincerely,
Gladys Schackerdue
By Karl Schackne
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